How can you tell if you are in a “bad relationship”? What are the signs?

Red flag #1:  You might be in a bad relationship if you are giving out far more than you are taking in!

If the amount of energy you invest far exceeds what your partner is giving to you and this is consistent over time, it is definitely time to reassess your continuing on.



Red flag #2:

You might be in a bad relationship if you find that you can not trust your partner to keep his or her word in the small things like date times or promises to complete small promises to do something.  If you can’t trust them in the little things, you will more than likely be unable to trust them in the big ones.

The thrill is gone.

Red flag #3

You might be in a bad relationship if you sense the passion is gone.  Going through the motions of love is painful both for the one doing it and for the one receiving it.


Red flag #4.

You might be in a bad relationship if you find yourself forgetting to keep the promises you made to your partner.  Generally people remember the deals they make unless they are depressed or cursed with ADHD. Forgetting to do the things we agreed to do can be a sign that we have already “forgotten” the person we told we do something for.

Red flag #5:

You might be in a bad relationship if you have tried everything you know to do to hold your partner’s interest and none of them work! Enough said!

Red flag #6:

You might be in a bad relationship if you have the nagging sense that your partner is cheating on you.  Intuition has been called unconscious processing.  There are times when we intuit something is going on when there is no direct evidence of it.  You have to be careful with paranoia.  You may be right and, you may be wrong.  If your partner says nothing is going on but Red flags 1, 2, and 3 are present, you will probably have a very difficult time believing him or her.

Red flag #7.

You might be in a bad relationship if your partner agrees to going to a relationship counselor with you and then fails to show. Or if s/he does show, during the session they point their finger at you implying you are the one with the problem, not them.

Red flag#8.

You might be in a bad relationship if your partner always blames you for miscommunication and mistakes and is chronically unwilling to own any responsibility for shared problems.

Red flag #9

is closely related to number 8. You might be in a bad relationship if your partner is continuously finding fault with almost everything you do and seldom if ever praises you.  Frequently, in the initial stages of the relationship both parties put their best foot forward. Character is demonstrated by what they do over the long term. Frequently, people sabotage their relationships by failing to keep the courtship going.and slipping into taking their partner for granted.

Red flag#10


. Finally, you might be in a bad relationship if your partner starts seeking to control almost every aspect of your life

Businesswoman puppeteer

using angry disapproval as a tactic to invite you into complying “or else”. Spousal abuse is exercised by both sexes and can literally become a life threatening issue.

There are are more than 10 red flags.  The above are just a sampling of possibilities.  The reality is, the relationship is bad if you think it is.  If you do think your relationship is bad, for what ever reason, you need to remember that old cliche. “That which is tolerated will continue!” Be careful in your deliberations before you decide to walk away.  Some partnerships go bad in lethal ways.  Seek wise counsel before you decide what to do.

Know this though! When relationships go bad, you can end them. Walk away and assess what you are looking for and what you need.  Make a decision to attract a man or woman that fits your criteria and settle for nothing less. Get some objective counseling about your strengths and assets.  Use those to become the person who can attract the partner you are looking for.  Make a list of the character attributes you want in a mate and then live out those characteristics yourself.  Like calls unto like.

  1. What an interesting article! Number 4 especially resonated with me as someone who has struggled with ADHD their entire life. I really try to remember things sometimes and will even set alarms and somehow still miss or ignore them but I am working on better managing those problems. I think you are pretty spot on with everything you said in this list and I’ve been through it before, probably on both sides, lol.

  2. On point here. I’ve seen all of these red flags in one relationship or another. I have also been the guilty party I’m sure. But you really hit the nail on the head. It is so true that if you can’t trust them with the little things, well you’re in trouble when it comes to the big things.

  3. That is why I say love should not be a priority when looking for a mate. It should be about finding a like-minded person who you can respect as you both pursue goals that lead to the main objective for the union. Do this and love will grow with you.

  4. Very interesting and reality based post. Its true to stay in long and strong relationship you both need to have trust on each other, Otherwise your relationship would be nothing except a doghouse.

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