It is impossible to save a marriage unless both partners are committed to doing so! “How to save a marriage” is a search term used on Google by thousands of people per month. Sadly, usually just one of the spouses is doing the looking instead of two. If problems between husbands and wives are just getting started and both people are willing to admit somethings wrong, there is a good chance the marriage can be saved with some effective counseling. Without both partners willingness to honestly participate, the relationship is often destined for the divorce court.
Here in America, about one out of two marriages end in divorce. If you have been divorced once already, you are about 60+ per cent more likely to do it twice. If you divorce X 2, the odds are even higher that your third marriage will fail also.
If the couple agrees there is an intractable problem, the next step is seeking counsel on how to resolve it. Who do you go too for the counseling?
Many choose to go to their church pastor for help. If the pastor has been trained in marital counseling and if the pastor has a healthy, committed relationship to his/her spouse, then, there is a high probability the couple will get effective advice.
Many seek assistance from secular counselors who approach the issues of marriage utilizing the wisdom of their respective discipline learned in graduate or medical school.
I read a concept called the law of the lid in one of John Maxwell’s books on leadership.. Basically, the idea is that a leader can only lead his or her team as far their own growth has taken them. If we all have a personal ceiling on our abilities, we will be unable to rise higher than that level unless and until we break through that ceiling. Understanding this idea, whom ever you go to, see, be prepared with a list of questions and the mindset of a wise shopper. Interview the person who desires to provide the service to you of counselor.. Listed below are some of the things i believe you should be concerned about from my perspective as a counselor with 40 years in the field.
- What is the educational background of the therapist/counselor? In addition to what their degree is and where they got it from, it is also about whether or not they have ever been through the counseling process themselves. Are they able to explain why they did or did not do that?. All human beings have something in their life they could work on or improve without being diagnosed as mentally ill. By actually submitting to the counseling process, the therapist experiences the real challenge of examining the self and changing.
- Is the counselor licensed?
- Have they ever been convicted of a crime and if so, what was it?
- Is the counselor doing well in his or her own life currently? If they are experiencing problems, is it in the area of their marriage?
- Is the counselor active or passive in the counseling process?
- What treatment model does the counselor utilize and why did he or she choose that one?
- Does the counselor give homework assignments for use between visits?
- s the counselor pro-marriage?
These questions cited are simply suggestions and are not be considered limitations. The reader can generate other questions relative to your unique concerns.
In summary, admitting that a marriage is in trouble is the first step towards recovery of a failing marriage. The second step is getting the wisdom you need to resolve your issues and move on. One of my former clients warned against putting things off with this proverb. “Procrastination is the assassination of success!” Don’t put off getting the help you need! Do it now! It may well be the saving of your marriage!
Please comment below and ask questions! Thanks for reading!