More under the heading of free relationship advice:
“Your map is not the territory” is a way of saying that what you think is reality ain’t necessarily so. What you call reality is a map you have been constructing over time in your mind. It is made up of mental imagery, words, remembered smells, and emotions. it is a hologram you have built in your head that you experience as “reality”. It works well enough generally to keep you alive and get many of your needs met.
What’s this got to do with love?
Great question! Your ideas of a love relationship make sense to you because you are the one that constructed them. When we meet others, we are attracted to folks that have maps we believe to be similar to our own. It takes time to get to know those maps because we need to see the other person in a variety of social contexts to determine his beliefs about the world and how he lives and interacts with others.
Ethics, A Frequently Forgotten Word!
The definition of ethics, according to dictionary.com is “
What does your map of reality say the rules are for right and wrong? Where did you get those ideas from? Who first spoke them to you and why did you believe them? A Greek philosopher of old said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Why would he say that? Because frequently we base decisions on ideas or beliefs that we picked up from others without thinking them through. When we come together with others, frequently there is conflict between people’s maps or ideas about right and wrong, good and evil, productive vs. unproductive, or moral vs. immoral behavior.
So, often, when two people fall in love, they are focused on the other’s attractiveness and external responses. Frequently, too little thought is given to exploring the other’s deepest beliefs about life and rules of relationship conduct before we fling our hearts at them.. Each of us have our own rules about how we are supposed to interact with others and how they are supposed to treat us. If the ethics differ from our own, we can wind up deeply wounded when we find out the heartbreaking differences between us and our unique “map” of reality.
Please share your thoughts on this subject and ask questions in the comments section below. I will get back to you quickly if you have a desire for more information.