I first heard the term win-win at a business conference. It was good, free relationship advice. The idea behind it is simple. When you do business with somebody, whatever deal you strike with your customer or buyer should be something that genuinely benefits him or her as well as you! its essence is one of I win and You win too! People do well to adopt that idea in their love relationships as well as their business life!
When we ask something of a partner that is important to us but not to them, it is easy to move from asking to telling. Most grown ups do not like emotional coercion. We will resist it or resent it or both.
The only positive way forward will ultimately be a solution both parties can enthusiastically endorse. This type of solution grows out of thinking past the normal solutions you have used previously.
GET OUT OF YOUR “RUT” THINKING
“Rut” thinking is using familiar solutions to a problem rather than coming up with a new one. In win-win thinking, the solution should honor both partners’ wants instead of just one of them. People tend to take the line of least resistance in life often taking a conventional approach to making their choices. Because we all tend to think most about what we want in any given decision, we often assume our partner will be happy with the same old choices we have always made. Operating out of habit and failing to consult with your partner is known as “taking them for granted”. This has killed many a relationship.
PEOPLE CHANGE AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!
Sometimes what we did yesterday will work today, sometimes it doesn’t because something has changed in our partnership. Maybe the other side has grown bored with the “tried and true” patterns of the past. Perhaps you have! It is often wise to do some simple reality testing with your partner with the question, “Are you satisfied with . . .”(Fill in the blank)
.AVOID BEING DEFENSIVE
Just because someone wants a change does not mean they do not want you! The old adage “variety is the spice of life” comes to mind. It can also be called keeping things fresh! Keep the lines of communication open with honest questions and responses to theirs, “What are you wanting now!” “What are you thinking now!” What are you feeling now?”
Those thee questions never cease being relevant! They keep you grounded in the here and now of what your partner wants, thinks, and feels! It destroys taking someone for granted! It promotes honest and open dialogue. It also promotes honesty about the current state of the relationship.