Free Relationship Advice–Make It A Win-Win

I first heard the term win-win at a business conference.  It was good, free relationship advice. The idea behind it is simple.  When you do business with somebody, whatever deal you strike with your customer or buyer should be something that genuinely benefits him or her as well as you! its essence is one of I win and You win too! People do well to adopt that idea in their love relationships as well as their business life!

AVOID DEMANDS

When we ask something of a partner that is important to us but not to them, it is easy to move from asking to telling. Most grown ups do not like emotional coercion. We will resist it or resent it or both.

The only positive way forward will ultimately be a solution both parties can enthusiastically endorse. This type of solution grows out of thinking past the normal solutions you have used previously.

GET OUT OF YOUR “RUT” THINKING

“Rut”  thinking is using familiar solutions to a problem rather than coming up with a new one. In win-win thinking, the solution should honor both partners’ wants instead of just one of them. People tend to take the line of least resistance in life often taking a conventional approach to making their choices.  Because we all tend to think most about what we want in any given decision, we often assume our partner will be happy with the same old choices we have always made. Operating out of habit and failing to consult with your partner is known as “taking them for granted”. This has killed many a relationship.

PEOPLE CHANGE AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!

Sometimes what we did yesterday will work today, sometimes it doesn’t because something has changed in our partnership.  Maybe the other side has grown bored with the “tried and true” patterns of the past.  Perhaps you have! It is often wise to do some simple reality testing with your partner with the question, “Are you satisfied with . . .”(Fill in the blank)

.AVOID BEING DEFENSIVE

Just because someone wants a change does not mean they do not want you!  The old adage “variety is the spice of life” comes to mind. It can also be called keeping things fresh! Keep the lines of communication open with honest questions and responses to theirs, “What are you wanting now!” “What are you thinking now!” What are you feeling now?”

Those thee questions never cease being relevant!  They keep you grounded in the here and now of what your partner wants, thinks, and feels!  It destroys taking someone for granted! It promotes honest and open dialogue.  It also promotes honesty about the current state of the relationship.


  1. Hello Byron, thanks for sharing this blog with us. This is great relationship advice to follow and take seriously. I believe that all relationships can work out if we can just communicate, trust, be honest and loyal, forgive, and don’t take each other for granted. Thanks again and continue to do what you do!!

  2. Great website on giving relationship advice. It is definitely important to take into account the feelings and thoughts of both parties. I hope this helps people in their individual situations.

  3. Interesting tips on successful relationships. It is a bit of a paradigm shift to think about love relationships in the same way as business relationships, but there is no reason why the same solutions can’t work in both areas.

    1. Too often we treat people better at the job than we do at home. Really, thinking win-win should be something we do in all of our significant relationships. Thanks for the comment Tom!

  4. Hey Byron – this is a great article. Alot of good information. Often times, we get so wrapped up in our own thinking, that we forget about the other person and what’s best for “us” rather than “me”.

    Great share. Thanks for the article.

    John

  5. I think if you forced yourself to drop your demands and expectations a whole new view on the relationship would open up
    You would have automatically moved out of the rut,stopped being defensive about insisting on your usual demands and thus become a new person in the relationship

    1. Demands usually come out of a place of insecurity. Folks need to realize that love casts out fear. Believe in yourself and your own worth and you will attract people who value you. You don’t have to put up with a relationship that devalues you. Nor should you have to negotiate to be heard thus eliminating the need for demanding behavior.
      Thanks for the feedback!

  6. Great tips. Even after 20 years my wife and I still have our differences of opinions. Luckily we have managed to work things out and it never gets too out of hand. With life experience come wisdom and tolerance I would hope. Well written and informative

    1. My wife and I are in our 39th year of marriage. Our love continues to grow and change. These things I write about work! I am glad you liked the post and I thank you for your comments!

  7. I accidentally tell my partner to do something instead of ASKING. Although asking is what I intended to do, the way I said it makes it sound rude.

    In fact, she doesn’t like it one bit when she thinks I’m telling her to do something, so it is what I have to work on.

    I like that you brought up that people change. We do indeed, oftentimes for the better. I know we both want a change with our personal finances. It is what we are currently working on.

    Thanks for the great advice.

    1. Yea, it is all to easy to flip into command mode, especially if we are in a hurry! Changing this behavior is a challenge but ultimately worth it in the increased cooperation we experience with others.
      Thanks for the comment!

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