Welcome to Healthy Relationship Tips; 10 ideas designed to encourage you to think about yourself in relation to other people in your life. I hope you enjoy these tried and proven ideas for choosing your most important relationships with the care you deserve.
Define the character traits of the people you wish to associate with. Write those characteristics down. When you write down a word, like honest, be sure to define what the term means to you in clear, observable terms. Think it through carefully. What does honesty look like in a personal relationship to you? How about honesty in the workplace? Honesty given for what reasons?
Honesty can be brutal when it is given with the intention to wound. I don’t know about you but I prefer honesty from someone who cares about me and the outcomes of their words. At any rate, it is important to really think through the character traits that you want and the context you want to see them in.
This one is closely related to number one. Define your priorities. If you want to have an idea of your real priorities, keep a social calendar for a week. Who do you actually spend time with and what did you actually talk about when you were with them. At the end of the week, take a mental step back and look at the results of your record keeping. If you are like most people, you will be shocked by the number of hours you are wasting doing activities you do not really care for with people you only superficially care about. Healthy relationships should be spending time with people you bless with your life as they bless yours.
Create a screening grid of the traits and priorities you want to be associated with and then mentally pass the people in your life through it. Screens on windows keep unwanted critters out of your house but allows fresh air to pass through. Screen out the undesirable relationships and keep the ones who fit your grid. Let the people who are sources of negative emotion or unwarranted criticism be blocked out by your grid.
Examine your own life with the question, “Do I represent the character traits and the priorities I value as reflected by my example?” If you do not, resolve to become that person who does. Too often people want the most successful people in their life to be good, ethical people while not being accountable for the same things they say they want from others. In other words, do you walk your talk?
Make a list of the social circles you live in and then examine the people’s character traits. Do the social circles you participate in consist of people who honestly demonstrate your desired traits? An ancient king told his children, “Make no mistake! Bad companions will corrupt good morals.” If you hang around drug users or dealers, for example, sooner or later (and it is usually sooner), they are going to expect you to do drugs too and they will put the pressure of their expectations on you whether you like it or not. Who you choose for friends really matters! It is hugely important
Develop a dream that demands you to expand your circle of acquaintances with an eye towards what you value in friends. Often the thought of doing this is scary to folks because of the fear of rejection. Doing this step requires courage, the ability to overcome fear. Too many people think that brave people have no fear to deal with. Not true! Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the overcoming of it. Be brave! With a big enough dream to motivate you, you will be willing to overcome your fears rather than allowing it to rob you of your future. Put yourself in situations where there are good people at work. Get to know them and sooner or later, you will meet someone who is living by the “golden rule” who likes you and will encourage a friendship.
Read How to Win Friends and Influence People and practice the principles cited there. People are not born with positive people skills. They have to be learned as they grow up. Many of us arrive at adulthood with stunted people skills because we were raised by people who failed to train us properly. The book recommended here was written after the author spent several years interviewing highly successful men and women about this crucial aspect of life. Learning what to say after you have said hello is excruciating for people who arrive into their adult years without having overcome their fears of rejection. How to Win Friends. . .was written by Dale Carnegie and published in 1936. It was read by over thirty million people and is still being read to day. In 2011, Time Magazine rated the book #19 on their top 100 influential books list. This book will teach you down to earth ways you can do what the title says, win friends and be a positive influence on their lives. It is filled with real life stories about people who have used the concepts to move ahead in life. It will help you to do the same,
Cultivate a sense of humor! Take yourself with a “grain of salt”! Laughter is literally a medicine to combat the ups and downs of life. Learn to poke a little fun at yourself and you invite people to be at ease in your presence. Many times, a humorous story about an incident in your own life when you were learning to change something is a good way to give someone feedback about something you noticed in them. It lets people know that you don’t have an over inflated view of yourself. If you don’t know how to poke fun at yourself, observe folks who do. It will give you some ideas you can use.
Gently but firmly disengage from relationships with people who do not reflect your values. There was a song written and sung by an artist called Neil Sedaka years ago called Breaking Up is Hard to Do. When you care about people, it is difficult to let go of a relationship when you sense it is time to move on. Because of this fear of hurting others, often times people do a lousy job of saying good bye preferring instead to simply disappear from someone’s life. leaving the other person with a bag of questions about what happened. Not good!
An exception to the clean good bye occurs if you find yourself in an abusive relationship as the victim of the abuser. Abusers can be deadly if they are dealing with sufficiently deep mental health issues. Every year, numerous estranged spouses kills their former partners in a rage over the end of the relationship; an end they brought on themselves with their bad behavior.. If you think your former friend or lover could be dangerous, talk it over with some professional people who are wise in the understanding of danger. It is better to be cautious if you are truly afraid of someone.
Be the friend you would like to have to those you value in your life. Common sense would appear to be that treating people the way you want to be treated is only fair and just. However, common sense is becoming increasingly rare these days as there are many people who want to punish others simply because they disagree with them. Yet these folks are usually the first to howl with rage when somebody hits them back or retaliates with the same discounting behavior they hand out to others.
So that’s my 10 relationship tips for today! Please read and comment and follow myloverelationships.com for further bits of practical information useful for your love life whether it be in romantic, familial, or friendship.